The Art of Backing Off

Kitty Parlby

We’ve all heard the phrase ‘quality of life’ quite a bit. Our family works hard to fill our son Eric’s life with a combination of productivity, recreation and relaxation. Although this can be a struggle at times, I have gotten better at it over the last 20 years. It is especially important to give Eric a chance to hone his abilities and learn new skills. However, there is a vital aspect of exploring skills and creativity that I’d like to address.

Have you ever come up with some great task or project for your autistic family member, student or client? Maybe it was a practical skill, or maybe it was creative. Perhaps it was just an everyday chore that you felt they were ready to try, or something they showed an interest in. However, as things got started you found that they were not going as you expected. Maybe it was going very slowly, or it was getting messy, or loud, or went in an entirely unexpected direction. Then, without even being conscious of doing it, you stepped in.

And there it is. Most of us, being human, look at completing tasks through our own experience. That means doing a task our way using the skill and experience we have. I’m no different. Yet we all gained those skills or our creative style through trial, practice and error. Those with autism need that same chance. So it was with great struggle and mindfulness that I had to learn a new skill myself: the art of backing off. It’s a fine balance to be had, and your balance may look different from my balance.